Here are a number of ways that you can stand up for yourself in various contexts of your everyday life so that you feel empowered and well cared for throughout your healing experiences.
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Why do you need to stand up for yourself as you heal?
Every individual’s healing experience will be unique. This is because everyone’s lives, bodies, brains, and contexts are different. What may work for some, may not work for others. What has worked for one person, may not work at all for another person. Sometimes when receiving medical treatment, managing your professional responsibilities, participating in spiritual communities, engaging institutional support options, or simply spending time with friends and family, you may be offered healing approaches, expectations, or advice that does or doesn’t suit you. If you’re advised to follow ideas or practices that you think won’t be helpful or will be harmful to you, it’s important that you know how to stand up for yourself to set boundaries around what you don't need, while advocating to receive the treatment you need.
How can you advocate for yourself as you heal?
Regardless of who you’re talking to and in what context, all of these tips will help you to effectively stand up for yourself as you’re navigating healing.
View Conflict as an Opportunity
Conflict can be viewed as an opportunity to better understand yourself, someone else, and the processes or institutions that you’re interacting with. Instead of approaching conflict as a problem or a negative thing, think of it as a way to better connect with others or set boundaries. This attitude can keep a sensitive nervous system from becoming activated or upset during the conflict resolution or boundary setting process.
Understand What You Want and Need
Self-awareness is a great place to begin with conflict resolution. Ask yourself what you want and need in any given situation, then learn how to ask for them in clear ways. Decide on what outcome you’re hoping to achieve through your advocacy efforts.
Do Research to Understand the Person or Process
All conflict is a two way conversation. So whether you’re standing up for yourself in an interpersonal or institutional relationship, you can better understand where the other party might be coming from by doing research.
What is the process of the institution you’re working with? Is there any flexibility to work around or outside of that process to better get your wants and needs met? If not, how can you work within the system to be supported. Or is it clear after research that you need to get your wants and needs met in an alternative system.
If the conflict is interpersonal, consider understanding their point of view before you approach them. What are their wants and needs and how can you better understand each other through the communication process?
Gather Sources of Authority to Support Your Stance
Your lived experience is an important source of authority! It will always help to have multiple sources to support your argument. Is there research or books that defend your experience that can help someone else understand where you’re coming from?
Practice Communicating What You Want and Need
Once you know what you need and have other sources of support to guide you, practice communicating with an unbiased or supportive source. This can be a friend, family member, or professional. Through practice, you can find the right words and feel empowered and confident with your stance and your statements. The person you’re practicing with can also ask questions or play devil’s advocate so you can improve how you communicate your position.
Find Validation and Vent With Those Who Understand
Standing up for yourself can be challenging, especially if you don’t experience the results you want. Be sure to surround yourself with supportive individuals who can listen to you process the experience or empathize with your experience. Validation is an important part of honoring your lived experience and feeling safe through the advocacy process.
Seek Professional Support
Communication and life coaches, therapists, and other professionals can help you to become clear about what you want and need, as well as provide tools to best communicate that to others.
Incest Survivor Recovery Resources
You can find more incest survivor resources at Incest AWARE and other support organization in the Incest AWARE Alliance.
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